Running

Andrew Muldowney

Running,
Running,
Running,
on and on,
unto everywhere and nowhere.
To see all and yet to have no bearing,
to be in the moment without reality,
rag dolled across the land.
Sitting down only to run again
run again only to sit once more,
and so goes the spinning of the tale.
Should I drop out?
Should I slip through the cracks of mortality?
Should I take myself?
No, Never. I must stay strong.
Strength is all I have left,
Strength to hope that as time passes, my wanted past might show itself again,
so that I might gaze at those friends, acquaintances,
what could've been,
what should've been.
What I couldn't do.
To hope is to be unsure, to acknowledge your passenger seat ride of your own life,
Out of your hands,
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
Out of life,
Out of hope,
Out of everything dear to you.
The familiar, unfamiliar.
The known, unknown.
All is stored, forgotten, learned from and passed over.
only to be relived,
but relived by force, nothing is free anymore.
Change is all I know.
Forever running,
sitting, for only moments it seems,
never long enough to find a caring hand, someone, something,
to love,
to learn,
to know,
to care about.
All is gone, nothing is static, everything falls apart.
The closer I get, the farther away I feel,
Why feel, why try to be with when you know your sitting is soon to be over,
soon to run again.
To wish to run is foolish,
sitting, loving, knowing, learning,
i yearn for the latter yet all I receive it seems is the former.
I yearn for the static,
the normal,
the unchanging,
tradition,
feelings,
Yet I must run again,
Run,
Run,
Run,
On the wheel,
the field,
the track,
the road,
What I call “Home”.
What I call “Life”.
What I call “All I have known”.
I want to love,
I want to feel,
I want to know.
Yet nothing is in place,
there is no order, no logic.
Only chaos and change.
Change forced upon me.
Unwanted,
unfelt,
uncaring,
unjust.
The wheel goes round and round, but this one never comes full circle.
Lost within.
Lost without.
Lost in a sea of strangers,
forever.
I shall stay strong
Strength is all I've got left
I will love,
I will feel,
I will know,
I will make it so.
I will stop Running,
Running,
Running,